At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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