dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
should my penis look like a turkey
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
