I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
