last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
