Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
