I've blown a few things in my day
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
