well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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