I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
