I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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