have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
