and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i've created a new STD.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
