he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
