OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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