I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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