I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I need moral support for this bender
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
