My Higher Power is John Stamos
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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