I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
