im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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