I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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