I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
