i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
