so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
