I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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