we have officially lost it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
