I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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