When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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