She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
