I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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