I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
