The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
