Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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