The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
