dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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