Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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