All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize