i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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