Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
