oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
