Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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