I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
