I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
