I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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