I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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