This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Alive.
So much puke
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
