Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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