I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
