the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
