That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
They have beer where we have blood.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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