and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
