i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
