You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
