tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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