I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
