i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
