so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
