You really coming over, don't trick.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
