Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
