I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
