Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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