New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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