how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
