I feel great
I just peed on a car
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
