i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
