i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
