halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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