can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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