Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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