so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
