I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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