she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
