sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize