I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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