I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
