Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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