Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
