I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
