you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
NoShamevember. You game?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
